TV: The League 3.9 “The Out of Towner” Best Lines

Posted: December 2, 2011 in Best Lines, Television
Tags: ,

The League  3.9 “The Out of Towner” (****) — The league welcomes an out-of-town league member (Will Forte), but he’s not how the group remembers him. Meanwhile, Kevin and Jenny attempt to buy weed, but get cocaine instead. Talk about one of the underrated and under-watched shows on television. Forte delivers a great turn as wild man-turned straight man-turned wild again in this episode. Ruxin, who was on pain killers for most of this episode, had the most to play around with and delivered some of his best work. Here are the best lines.

“I can lead a horse to the water, but I can’t make the water not want to have sex with me.” — Taco

“You look like a Deadwood character at a Justin Bieber concert.” — Pete

“These sweatpants make my junk feel so good. It feels like two angels are just holding my balls ever so gently while my trunk is being refreshed by a river of feathers.” — Kevin

“With multiple partners?” — Andre
“Only when your mom and sister are in town.” — Ruxin
“Have you ever engaged in anal intercourse?” — Andre
“I refer you to my last answer.” — Ruxin

“It’s a hollow gesture. I’ve got blue gum just thinking about how hard I want to sit in gum for you. But I cannot. My gum is dead to you.” — Chuck

“He’s barefoot in the bathroom of Senior Crabs.” — Andre
“I know. I just peed all over the floor in there.” — Taco
“Why would you pee on the floor? — Andre
“Everybody does!” — Taco

“You know Chinese kids will let you play kickball with them?” — Ruxin

“You need to be using a jigger.” — Andre
“Hey! I know it’s the 1920s, but you still gotta whisper that word.” — Ruxin

“I’m like the drummer in Def Leppard, but I have both arms!” — Andre

“It feels like I’m wearing a tiny hat.” — Ruxin (while Chuck’s balls are on his forehead)

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