TV: Modern Family 3.10 “Express Christmas” Best Lines

Posted: December 7, 2011 in Best Lines, Television
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Modern Family 3.10 “Express Christmas” (***1/2) — When the family realizes everyone is separated for Christmas, they decide to make an impromptu Express Christmas. It’s only after watching mediocre comedies that we start to realize and appreciate how great Modern Family really is. There are maybe a dozen laughs per minute, all coming off natural. Here is just a selection of the best lines.

“Look who’s wearing her itsy bitsy bikini.” — Cam
“He can call her that because he’s gay.” — Phil
“He was talking about Lily.” — Claire
“So…was I.” — Phil

“She makes a mean cookie.” — Phil
“What other kind does she make.” — Claire

“You two needed time with your mom. I’ve already served my time with your mom.” — Jay

“Kids get snatched here just as much. It happens all the time. Don’t be scared.” — Gloria

“Get the wrong kind. People get upset.” — Mitchell
“You get upset.” — Claire
“I’m people.” — Mitchell

“We have a mobile wrapping. God, does that thing pay for itself.” — Cam
“Really? Cause I feel like paid for it.” — Mitchell

“On Dasher (Claire), on Dancer (Mitchell), on Prancer (Cam), and Vixen (Gloria). Hey, that kind of worked out.” — Phil

“Stop kidding around and look, Luke. Ahh, I get it. Look sounds like Luke.” — Gloria
“Yes. Thank God! I’ve been carrying that one around for three years.” — Luke

“I have two daddies!” — Lily

“First, you lose me in the grocery store. Now, you leave me in a deserted parking lot. Why don’t you just put a sign on me that says Free Kid?” — Manny

“Never look back. Never.” — Gloria

“Here comes Phil and the butterball.” — Claire
“I have a name.”  Manny

“Why don’t we all go out to a Chinese restaurant and have a traditional Jewish Christmas.” — Jay

“You want to hug me, don’t you?” — Jay
“I kind of do.” — Cam
“Four to five seconds.” — Jay
“Forty-five seconds?!?!” — Cam

:::Taser goes off between Phil and Cam::: “I’m so sorry.” — Phil

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