TV: Archer 3.5 “El Contador” Best Lines

Posted: January 26, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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Archer 3.5 “El Contador” (***) — ISIS is thrown into chaos when Malory decides to implement a strict drug policy.

“Yup that’s me. Mr. Selfish.” — Ray
“More like Miss.” — Malory

“Cyril is utterly, laughably unqualified to be a field agent. Some offense” — Lana
“Some taken.” — Cyril

“If you were in my tax bracket, you wouldn’t be spouting such socialist propaganda.” — Malory
“Or wearing such shitty clothes.” — Archer

“Ms. Archer said dress for the tropics.” — Cyril
“Tropics of Busch Gardens?” — Archer

“What’s a click?” — Cyril

“You’re looking for the predator, aren’t you?” — Archer

“Look on the bright side.” — Archer
“Which is.” — Lana
“Which is what?” — Archer
“What’s the bright side?” — Lana
“O. It’s a figure of speech.” — Archer

“It tastes worse than it smells.” — Ray
“Man. If I had a nickel for every time a guy said that, I’d have 8 nickels!” — Pam

“I only had a second so I thought ‘What would Lana do?'” — Cyril
“Not Archer?” — Archer

“I was just mocking this giant nigres and her sissy sidekick.” — Cyril

“After seeing a tiger get murdered? I mean thanks, but I’m really not in the mood. I mean, if you really want, I can watch while you masturbate. But I can tell you right now, my heart will not be in it. It will be with that tiger’s family. Go ahead. I mean. Start.” — Archer

“I gotta tell you. Confidence is pretty damn sexy.” — Lana
“Really?” — Cyril
“Theoretically.” — Lana

“Eat a dick, jungle. Cover it with malaria and leeches, spread it with some degayly fever, and eat it a big goddamn jungly dick.” — Archer

“And in return, did they hand you a signed receipt for the prisoner?” — Malory
“O shit.” — Lana

:::Pam running through naked:::
“O god. I wish I was still blind.” — Cyril

“Did you hear we met a tiger?! But…he got murdered.” — Archer


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