TV: New Girl 1.12 “The Landlord” Best Lines

Posted: February 7, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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New Girl 1.12 “The Landlord” (***) — Against Nick’s wishes, Jess makes it her mission to get the loft’s landlord to like her and inadvertently jeopardizes their living situation, forcing the guys to admit they’ve made some unofficial changes to the apartment.

“He has a gun!” — Nick
“O my god! This is just like the wire.” — Jess

“The world is not out to seduce you.” — Winston
“And bring me your budget reports? Why can’t she just say what she wants? What kind of sick game is she playing?” — Schmidt

“Non-fat vanilla latte.” — Starbucks barista
“We’re not talking about coffee, are we.” — Schmidt

“I have a package for Schmidt.” — UPS guy
“Sir, I’m very flattered. But I must decline.” — Schmidt

“Cool office. I like your bucket of gasoline. Super practical.” — Jess

“That’s a sweet picture. How old are your kids?” — Jess
“I did that. That’s me and my ex-wife.” — Remy

“Brad” — Remy to Nick
“Coach” — Remy to Winston

“Hello! I had such nice time visiting Los Angeles. It’s so many fancy people with the fancy lights. Goodbye! Thank you from Everest!” — Schmidt as immigrant Jimmy

“Ready to admit you were wrong? Hello, my name is Nick and I like eating crow.” — Jess

“Anytime a man shows a woman how to do something from beyond, it’s just an excuse to get really close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.” — Nick

“Do you ever wear jeans. It looks like you’re trying to seduce James Bond at a baccarat table.” — Schdmidt

“Cece, can I talk to you? As a woman?” — Schdmit

“There is nothing less sexy than a dude asking if he can kiss you.” — Cece
“Nothing? I mean, what if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig? What if I called my mom after sex to describe it to her? What if I had  a croissant blog?” — Schdmidt

“Why can’t you just admit that you’re wrong?” — Jess
“How have you lived this long on your own? — Nick

“Hey Remy, what happened to your pants?” — Jess
“I’ve never had a threesome.” — Remy

“You would seriously have a threesome with that man just to get me to admit I was wrong?” — Jess
“O I think we can do a lot worse than Remy. He’s got strong arms.” — Nick
“Let’s have a three………………….some.” — Jess

“It’s going to get even more uncomfortable.” — Remy
“I am so into this. I can’t wait till we’re all menaging.” — Nick

“You are going to be the underpants captain tonight, Nick.” — Remy

“Just pick a color of crocs and buy them already.” — #9 from Schmidt’s 2007 New Year’s Resolutions


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