TV: 30 Rock 8.6/7 “Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong” Best Lines

Posted: February 9, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
Tags: , , ,

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30 Rock 8.6/7 “Hey, Baby, What’s Wrong” (****) — To celebrate Valentine’s Day, Liz and Criss have to buy a dining room table. Tracy and Frank help Lutz pick up women. Jack and Avery’s mother try to coexist without falling in love.

“There’s someone in the apartment….Someone who thinks you’re special!” — Criss

“But you’re a lady. Right? Why haven’t I seen pictures of you as a baby?” — Criss

“We’ll play the soundtrack to Major League.” — Criss
“You’re making fun of me, but that love song is awesome.” — Liz

“Will you be my Valentine?” — Young Liz
“I just realized I’m gay.” — Young boy

“My animus has become pent up.” — Jack

“I’ve never mommy daddy sheet monstered myself.” — Jack
“Never? Not even during the Love Boat reunion?” — Liz

“Most people think of Valentine’s Day as celebration of the burning of a Catholic loudmouth, but it’s also about love.” — Kenneth

“As you know, the haunted house industry is a real boys club.” — Hazel

“It’s so great to have a woman page here. To test unapproved Japanese medications on. Swallow…Swallow. Good girl! Let me know if all your pubic hair falls out.” — Jenna
“O my God!” — Hazel
“That’s what it’s supposed to do. I want to make sure it doesn’t cause seizures.” — Jenna

“Sorry to crash this sausage party.” — Jenna
“Unnecessary.” — Liz

“Ikea is where I used to go pick up newly single vulnerable chicks. I’ve gotten women there 2, 3 points hotter than me. So you know, 4s!” —  Frank

“Extracting an American from North Korea is a lot more difficult than organizing a round robin paddle tennis tournaments?”
“What about organizing three round robin paddle tennis tournaments?” — Diana

“The U.N. is a useless organization with ridiculous army. Robins egg blue helmets? Great camouflage if you’re invading an Easter egg hunt.” — Jack

“We’re going to go out and have an amazing night together! I just had my period.” — Liz

“Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to meet vulnerable women. It’s like Scumbag Christmas.” — Frank

“Guys like us have to pick low-hanging fruit. We look like Far Side drawings. So we go where women are sad, desperate, and weak. Cat shelters, blood banks, the ice cream stand at a Celtic women concert. And then we strike!” — Frank
“Another good place is a beauty salon where white girls try to do black hair. Since they come out crying, feeling all bad about themselves, and we walk on them all…” — Tracy
“Hey baby, what’s wrong!” — Tracy & Frank

“Like all celebrities, I’m very good at shifting the blame. I attacked Nancy Kerrigan.” — Jenna

“What insolvent country do you come from.” — Jack
“New Jersey. I’m just a weirdo.” — Weirdo

“She wouldn’t stand for this dog and pony show.” — Jack
“I’ve organized by several dog and pony shows and I’m offended by what you’re implying.” — Diana

“We both married much, much older men, which can be hard or more often flaccid.” — Diana

“Go to a strip club on Father’s Day and scream things like ‘I’m proud of you!'” — Tracy

“Another way to meet damaged women is to hang out with actresses.” — Frank
“Actresses? Where? How young are they? I’ll do nudity.” — Jenna

“I did Watchers to stay pageant fit. But it was too much math for a 6-year old. Thank God I found cigarettes.” — Jenna

“I would like to speak to Kim Jong Un immediately. That is unacceptable. I understand. the operator wouldn’t let me dial long distance.” — C. Cjokula

“Vampire push!” — C. Cjokula

” I can see to it that Transylvania never sees another episode of Friends.” — Jack
“No! Monica and Chandler just slept together in London! I’m sorry.” — C. Cjokula

“Admit the U.N. is useless.” — Jack
“It is! Half the building is a laser tag arena.” — C. Cjokula

“Pete! I have made love to Alonzo. He can’t keep rhythm.” — Jenna

“The way you broke that man down like a folding table at a dog and pony show.” — Diana

“Let’s talk about baseball.” — Diana
“I love baseball. Abner Doubleday.” — Jack
“The bats are long and hard.” — Diana
“The gloves are girls.” — Diana
“Balls.” — Jack
“Jeter’s thighs and those pants.” — Jack
“Change the topic.” — Diana

“If those teeth were in your vagina, you’d be considered a monster.” — Dr. Spaceman

“Must be psychosomatic. Now don’t worry. That’s just a fancy doctor word for your brain is broken.” — Dr. Spaceman

“There’s something weird going on here.” — Pete
“You feel that sexual energy too?” — Dr. Spaceman

“Valentine’s is the worst! It’s even worse than Earth Day. You just see so many dirty feet in sandals.” — Liz

“What race am I supposed to check? We all come from Africa!” — Criss

“Anybody can be famous. Look at Foxy Knoxy. What did she ever do except not kill anyone?” — Hazel

“Who would like to continue this conversation over drinks? A Cosmo is five points?” — Lutz

“You gonna talk to me about black people hair, you Louie Anderson little bitch?” — Black postal worker

“This happened to you? We have something in common? Ick.” — Jenna

“You are perfect together. You are like pasta and a mouth.” — Italian restaurant host

“You want to know the reason why Lutz is alone? Lutz! And I also have a penis syndrome.” — Lutz

“You want to know why Liz is alone? Liz! And I also menstruate a lot.” — Liz

“Just hearing your labored breathing while you walk upstairs has purged me of all sexual desire.” — Jack

“I love your brown hair. It’s so bouncy like the after picture in a lice ad.”
“Thank you. It’s from intermittent washing.” — Liz

“Is she bleeding? That looks like an arrow wound.” — Jack


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