TV: How I Met Your Mother 7.16 “The Drunk Train” Best Lines

Posted: February 13, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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How I Met Your Mother 7.16 “The Drunk Train” (***) — Lily and Marshall invite Robin and Kevin on a weekend getaway to Vermont. Barney and Ted take a ride on the Long Island Railroad, aka…The Drunk Train. I loved this episode if only just because I’ve taken the drunk train way too many times in the past few years.

“It’s hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.” — Marshall
“Top 10 things Marshall said during his wedding night.” — Barney
“It’s small, but I think I feel something.” — Kevin
“Top 10 things Lily said during her wedding night.” — Robin
“Stop laughing at it, Lily.” — Marshall
“Top 10 things Lily said during her wedding night.” — Everyone

“I’d be giving up a sure thing here.” — Barney
“Hey!” — Girl at the bar
“Are you not a sure thing?” — Barney
“I am…” — Girl at the bar

“Goat cheese, fascinating. What else are you allergic to?” — Ted

“I’m going to close my eyes till it’s all over.” — Robin
“Top 10 things Lily said during her wedding night.” — Kevin

“Can you hear it’s inspiring chant, Ted? I think I can get laid. I think I can get laid. It’s the little engine with wood. The Whorient Express. The Long Island Tailroad.” — Barney
“I got one. Thomas the Spank Engine.” — Ted
“Ted, that is a children’s book.” — Barney

“She said I could never love anything, but I love this train.” — Barney

“Last week, I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee.” — Ted

“This night will be epic, wait for it, dary. How do I usually say it?” — Barney

“What do you do?” — LIRR girl #1
“I teach architecture.” — Ted
“Oh, bing bang with a job. You think you’re better than me?” — LIRR girl #2
“Where do you live?” — LIRR girl #2
“I live on the Upper West Side.” — Ted
“Oh, big man, living in Manhattan. You think you’re better than me.” — LIRR girl #2
“Hey…” — Ted
“You think you’re better than me?” — LIRR girl #3

“I was about to get into some sweet world play about algorithms and getting into rhythm with my log.” — Barney

“If the top speed of the drunk train is 73 miles per hour and you factor in 32 boobs, 28 of which are motor boatable, and you divide that…no no no. This is all wrong!” — Barney

“I was all do I look like I’m from Ronkonkoma?” — Barney

“You slept with her?” — Ted
“I know. I’m late on sending the pictures, but I’ve been swamped.” — Barney

“I don’t even care where we go, but I hate doing it on the ground.” — LIRR girls #4 and #5

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