TV: New Girl 1.13 “Valentine’s Day” Best Lines

Posted: February 14, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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New Girl 1.13 “Valentine’s Day” (***1/2) — Jess convinces Schmidt to be her wingman on her date with a stranger. Nick tries to have a Valentine’s Day with her workaholic girlfriend. Winston makes up for past mistakes. A perfect combination of laugh out loud situational comedy with heartfelt character development, I keep falling more and more in love with this show.

“Every time you have sex with the same person, you just die. Just a little bit.” — Schmidt

“I got the dirty twirl, Schmidtty. Watch out, because your’e about to get laid, world!” — Jess

“We’re just trying to figure each other out, that’s all.” — Winston
“You know where that puts you in six months? Watching It’s Complicated on DVD while you cradle your newborn baby to sleep.” — Schmidt

“Tonight is all about what Lil’ Jess wants.” — Jess

“Despite the age difference, I would just take that to pound town, you know what I mean? Just take her to visit the bone yard, you know what I’m saying.” — Cliff, the intern

“He’s got a little surprise for me.” — Cece
“Spoiler. It’s his penis.” — Schmidt

“I love Phantom Tollbooth.” — Cece
“Of course you do. You’re a human being.” — Schmidt

“When people talk about breakfast being the most important meal of the day, I’m like What??? What about lunch?” — Oliver

“What look? I’m not even looking at you.” — Cece
“The pouty one? The naughty baby Indian? ‘I just ate something spicy and now my lip is swollen.'” — Schmidt

“Three words. Double bag it.” — Schmidt
“I got that covered. These guys.”  — Jess
“A hundred condoms? Are you going to have sex with an army?” — Schmidt
“I’m going to get in it, man.” — Jess
“That’s the biggest box of condoms I’ve ever seen, honestly. Does it have a roller, like you’re going to go through the airport with it.” — Schmidt
“I’m going to rip him a new one.” — Jess

“I got a nose strip on me, man.” — Winston

“Is it gentle, or not so gentle?” — Cliff, the intern
“I’m going to act like you didn’t just say that.”

“I drove to Mexico and I tried to enter a cock fight.” — Nick
“As a person?” — Cliff, the intern

“What does a girl got to do to get a one night stand around here?” — Jess

“You’re a really great guy, and I mean, I don’t know that. But honestly, I was just going to use you as a giant meat puppet.” — Jess

“What has gotten into you? And why do you have so many condoms?” — Nick
“I was feeling twirly.” — Jess


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