TV: The Office 8.16 “A”fter Hours” Best Lines

Posted: February 23, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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The Office 8.16 “After Hours” (***) — In Tallahassee, Dwight and Packer compete to become Nellie’s vice president.

“News flash! If you didn’t carry around in your belly for nine months, it isn’t your kid.” — Angela
“Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course.” — Pam
“That’s where we disagree.” — Angela

“There’s nothing harder than taking care of a boat, right?” — Andy
“unbelievable!” — Pam and Angela
“UN-BE-LIEV-A-BLE!” — Oscar

“I’m not allowed to say it’s mandatory, so let’s just call it compulsory.” — Nellie

“Jason Bourne would kick James Bond’s ass.” — Packer
“Jason Bourne has no support. His own government is out  to get him.” — Nellie
“Genghis Khan could take them both down cause he’s not afraid to kill children. What? It’s true. He would eviscerate babies and hang them on poles outside the villages.” — Dwight

“I will have a glass of your oakiest Chardonnay, please.” — Ryan
“And I will have a waffle with your Maple Leaf syrup.” — Erin

“Saddles sometimes fall off. Especially if you don’t properly stitch the girth.” — Dwight

“If I wanted Jamaican food, I’d just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there.” — Phyllis

“Is this March Madness? I love March Madness.” — Kathy
“O no. That’s in…March.” — Jim

“I’m pretty sure if Daryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something.” — Andy
“At midnight?” — Val’s boyfriend
It happens, like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery.” —  Kevin

“Nobody knows more than you. Especially me.” — Ryan

“Five dots, Daryl? Are you kidding me? Three dots — to be continued. Four dots is a typo. Five dots means ‘Do not make me say what I want to say, baby. But if I did, it would blow your mind.’ Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.” — Kelly

“After it bit you, did it run away fearful? Or did it walk away, smug and self assured.” — Dwight
“So smug, like he thought it was funny. Like this.” — Jim
“That’s a bed bug. Everything’s a joke.” — Dwight

“It was plenty warm and I was farting continuously on under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect.” — Dwight

“Is crazy gone?” — Kathy

“They don’t make these cords in boot cut anymore!” — Gabe

“A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present.” — Dwight

“You’re a guy, I’m a girl. And who knows, maybe in six months…” — Erin
“Six months? Yeah, okay. I’m in love with Kelly.” — Ryan

“When at all costs, don’t respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with and they have served me well.” — Dwight

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