TV: Happy Endings 2.16 “Cocktails & Dreams” Best Lines

Posted: March 1, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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Happy Endings 2.16 “Cocktails & Dreams” (***1/2) — Dave gets a liquor license for his food truck and becomes a trendy place. Alex and Penny attempt a sugar cleanse, but one of them can’t go through with it. Jane and Brad have sex dreams about Dave.

“Everybody’s wondering why I’m not drinking.” — Penny
“We haven’t ordered yet.” — Brad
“And it’s 2am in the afternoon.” — Jane

“Not to be rude, but I don’t think you’re even going to last even a half hour on this thing, you stupid idiot.” — Jane

“I call it the boxer thong. Business in the front. Party in the rear.” — Dave

“I did take a whore bath, okay? I had a one night stand and I didn’t have enough time to shower. So, did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and splash some water on my hush in the bathroom of an Au Bon Pain? Yes, I did. I’m sorry that I’m a modern day single woman who enjoys sex as much as a man. Sue me!” — Penny
“I meant the drink.” — Dave

“Drunk Jane loves a good cleaning. You should have seen me on New Years. I was fall down mopping.” — Jane

:::Jane gasps:::
“Bitch, it is 5:30. Wait a minute, who did you have a sex dream about?” — Brad

“What’s going on?” — Dave
“Depends who’s asking.” — Brad
“I am.” — Dave

“What’s that smell?” — Dave
“It’s my bush. It’s the new fragrance by Kyle Busch.” — Brad

“I will have you know, these are not pajama jeans. These are pajoveralls.” — Penny

“This is not easy to say, but I’m not actually black. This is just a big mole.” — Brad

“It was even more graphic this time. He made keep my heels on.” — Brad
“Mine was like that scene in Varsity Blues but instead of winning the championship, Dave had sex with me repeatedly.” — Jane
“How is that like Varisty Blues?” — Penny
“Jon Voight was coaching us.” — Jane
I don’t want your life.” — Penny

“Yea! You nailed me…it. It!” — Brad

“Turn the fan on, you dummy.” — Alex
:::Food falls off the fan:::
“I’m not proud of that.” — Penny

“Ooh. Floor bacon!” — Max

“Maybe i want kids some day. Maybe I want kids some day. Maybe I do want kids someday. Maybe I want kids someday? I definitely frittatas. ” — Max

“Max, it’s a leather couch.” — Grant
“Oh, you got it at Crate and Barrel.” — Max

“Judgment is the gluten of thoughts.” — Alex

“There are two things I always say. One — yes, that Hanks.” — Colin Hanks

“Penny, you know me. We’ve made love.” — Max
“Ugh.” — Penny
“I think you mean ugh-mazing.” — Max

“You guys have sex dreams about me? I guess that makes sense. I do have exude a bit of raw, unbridled…” — Dave
“Dude, we are not attracted to you. You are like a gross brother to us.” — Jane
“You’re like a man to me, which I am not into.” — Brad
“I am extremely into men, but surely ones that are not like you.” —  Max

  1. Jay says:

    It’s whore’s bath – not horse!

  2. mrsubjective says:

    Appreciate it Jay. Changed.

  3. Candi says:

    “Did I rub some dryer sheets on my pits and splash some water on my hush in the bathroom of an Au Bon Pain? Yes, I did.”

    This was sooooo funny!! OMG!!! I laugh every time I think of that line!! Hilarious!!!

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