TV: New Girl 1.16 “Control” Best Lines

Posted: March 13, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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New Girl 1.16 “Control” (***) — Jess encourages Schmidt to “go on strike” for doing all the housework. Winston and Nick get into a fight about the money they owe each other.

“Look at the size of this guy. He’s clearly new homeless.” — Schmidt

“It’s like you’re ripping the side block out of my mental jenga. I’m totally falling apart.” — Schmidt

“Who would want to throw this away?” — Jess
“A blind man who just recovered his sight?” — Schmidt

“I know what it will feel like when I stop. So I’m just going to stay a little drunk. Forever.” — Winston

“I’m all in. Uno, bitches.” — Nick

“What? Do we live in a pawn shop?” — Schmidt

“Sorry I forgot my wallet. Thank you for paying this. It’s delicious.” — Nick
“Yeah, which is weird because I clearly remember saying ‘Don’t forget your wallet.'” — Winston
“And then I still forgot it!” — Nick

“You’re like aging ballerina child chess prodigy professional magician crazy.” — Jess

“I got fat cause I used to eat Concord grape jelly from the jar using a candy bar as a fork.” — Jess

“He wished his hands in a public restroom.” — Jess
“And there was a man in there. And he was using the toilet. Full sit. No door. And I didn’t break eye contact. Not once.” — Schmidt
“That’s not letting go. That’s cruising.” — Winston

:::Nick and Winston slap fight:::

“He just ignored me and he went back to twirling his fire baton. He’s really bad. He burned a lot of people.” — Jess

“You want to change him so badly, but you can’t. Because he gets so much worse.” — Nick

“You can run away from your problems, but you’re just going to find new ones that pop up like Hepatitis.” — Jess

“I need you to make fun of me when I call a panini a hot sandwich. How am I ever going to learn?” — Nick

“I’m the cool rebel brother.” — Schmidt
“Mother.” — Nick
“Mother.” — Winston
“Mom.” — Jess

“Calvin. You magnificent wizard.” — Schmidt

“Nick, Winston. We have a urinal. How are you still missing?” — Schmidt

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