TV: New Girl 1.17 “Fancyman Part 1” Best Lines

Posted: March 20, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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New Girl 1.17 “Fancyman Part 1” (***) — Jess reluctantly accepts a date with a student’s wealthy father.Nick tries to buy a new cell phone; Winston and Schmidt get competitive during a game of trivia.

“250? You get 150 just for being alive!” — Jess
Hey Mohan! We got a 250 credit score!” — Sales Associate

“You can go all Ghost Protocol on everyone.” — Jess

“Question. How do you not know that? Answer. You don’t. Jar!” — Schmidt

“I was just cleaning up from the sexual health class. I had to take condoms off 30 cucumbers. Condoms are harder to take off than I thought. I didn’t always know how to take them off. I guess someone has always done it for me.” — Jess

“So you’re asking me to give up my integrity?” — Jess
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you to do. We need his money.” — Tanya

“I’ll raise the money myself. I’ll get a ragtag group of kids together. A lost soul, an orphan, a Jewish kid with a keyboard, a little slut who can dance, and one fatso. I’ll choreograph some dances and make show.” — Jess
“You did that already, Jess. It was the spring musical and it only brought in $60.” — Tanya

“You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost.” — Winston

“Blame your period. I’ve actually done this before.” — Schmidt

“I’m going to throw my phone into the fiery chasm where he keeps his poor people.” — Jess

“What is that? Are you driving a lawnmower?” — Schmidt

“I wasn’t raised with money. So when something broke, we pretended it still worked. Some of my best memories was pushing this car around on family vacations.” — Jess

“I don’t know how to drive cars that work.” — Jess

“What if he likes you?” — Cece
“Ugh. No. I hate him.” — Jess

“He’s the type of guy who has a linen closet and a towel warmer. You know me. I’m only attracted to guys who are afraid of success and thinks someone famous stole their idea. I like an underdog.” — Jess

“It makes me want tos it by the fire and talk about how annoying Gandhi is.” — Jess

“I want to sit at that desk and veto a law.” — Nick

“Keep playing with that duck.” — Jess
“I want to kill you because I respect you. I think I understand hunting.” — Nick

“Oh my god! This is so amazing I want to punch you.” — Jess

“Are you wearing my sweater?” — Russell
“No. Yes. It was on the back of the chair, so I thought the sweater belonged to the chair. I thought it was a chair sweater. Those exist. Hi. I’m Nick.” — Nick

“Is it possible to be sexually attracted to an object?” — Nick

“Bidet if I do.” — Jess

“Did you take a bath in his tub because you wanted to know how it’d feel like to be him? Because weirdly, I get that.” — Nick

“Don’t be intimidated just because you’re younger, poorer, and wetter than everyone in there.” — Nick

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