Archive for April, 2012

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New Girl 1.22 “Tomatoes” (**1/2) — Jess is afraid she and Russell aren’t passionate enough. Nick starts a tomato farm to deal with his loneliness. Schmidt tries dating Cece’s roommate, Nadia.

“Jess. You’re dating a man I can see myself growing old with. Russell, you have a great looking face. Your jawline could cut glass.” — Nick

“Freeze frame! When I’m up in the air and my legs are there.” — Nick

“Cece! The Jewish is here to make sex.” — Nadia

“Beautiful women. You guys can say just about anything, can you?” — Schmidt

“Remember last time you were hugging? You were naked.” — Jess

“What are we, at Santa’s family reunion? Cause the Clawses are coming out.” — Schmidt

“How do you like America?” — Schmidt
“I like salad bar. I like Despicable Me. Tosh 2.0. I like Connect 4. Freedom of speech. David Fincher. Sidewalk. I like 1-800-SLIM. Yo’ Momma jokes. Strawberry. Wilmer Valderrama. Leon Panetta. I skating for fun. Not to save life.” — Nadia

“I used to be your Shelby. That came out wrong.” — Nick

“Look at yourself. You look like one of those guys who crawled out of the grave in the Thriller video.” — Winston
“I need you to git!” — Nick

“What is this? Martin Scorsese’s Wizard of Oz?” — Winston

“Sandwiches and sex? I want that!” — Nick

“Are you serious? How do you look this good under fluorescent lights?” — Schmidt

“I’m almost positive Nadia’s vagina contains a right angle.” — Schmidt

“You like my personality?” — Schmidt
“I was surprised too.” — Cece

“O my god! My penis is having a heart attack.” — Schmidt

“Call a nurse. Call a male nurse. Probably a heavy set male nurse would be nice. Describe it to them as a battered highway cone.” — Schmidt

“Stop making that face at me! I hate that face.” — Jess
“This is my face! I don’t have a lot of faces! IF you don’t like looking at my face, then look at my ass.” — Nick

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Parks and Recreation 4.19 “Live Ammo” (***) — Leslie faces problems when she convinces retiring Councilman Pillner to not cut the parks department budget, while Chris takes Ron to a meditation class.

“I think I’m ready to say I love you…to his apartment.” — Ann

“When you hear them talking about that blonde pain in the ass, that’s uh me.” — Leslie

“Our department is the only thing between her and a life of tube tops and tribal tattoos and barfing in hot tubs.” — Leslie

“All due respect, Ms. Ludgate. Do you know what you’re doing here?” — Mr. Giles
“All due respect, Mr. Hamsterpenis. No, I don’t.” — April

“I’m not sure I’m interested in that. No, I am sure. I am not interested in that.” — Ron

“I am not saying that Leslie Knope is a dog murderer. I just think her actions raise some questions. Like for example, is she a dog murderer?” — Jennifer
“I don’t know the answer to that, Jennifer. But your tone makes me think…yes.” — Perd

“Don’t want none of that animal dander interacting with my cashmere.” — Tom

“Tehy should be rewarded for not being people. I hate people.” — April

“I’m going to try your not trying method right here, right now.” — Chris

“There’s a hot, spinning cone of meat in that Greek restaurant next door. I don’t know what it is, but I’d like to eat the whole thing.” — Ron

“I did it! I got it out!” — Andy, taking the ship out of the bottle

“You might consider the upside of losing your job.” — Ron
“For example.” — Chris
You would no longer be a government parasite, sucking the lifeblood from honest, hardworking people. Instead, you’d contribute to society like a man.” — Ron

The Office 8.21 “Angry Andy” (***) — Andy’s job – and manhood – are called into question as he returns with Erin to Scranton. Ryan tries to win Kelly back.

“Phyllis says teh same 12 cliches every time it rains. So I promised everyone that if she says them all by noon today, I will send out for hot chocolate.” — Jim

(The five she said on the air)
1. It’s raining cats and dogs out there.
2.  Nobody knows how to drive in the rain.
3. You know, the roads are actually the slickest in the first half hour?
4. The plants are gonna love this.
5. I actually sleep better when it’s raining.

“Normally, the rain makes me want to stay at home curled up with a good book. But everybody is being so nice to me today. I’m really happy being here.” — Phyllis

“Captain Mutato is half-man, half-mermaid, so he can fight crime as a man and make love as a mermaid. Most of my writing involves the latter.” — Dwight

“Because Kelly is Indian…and oh, that’s it.” — Jim

“Get lower.” — Kevin

“Her new boyfriend seems awesome, if you’re into Indian people. I’m not.” — Ryan

“All I remember is how pretty you looked taking those pictures of me.” — Ryan

“I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow or the next or the day after that. But I do know that right here, right now. All I can think about is spending the rest of my life with her. Again, that could change.” — Ryan

“Yeah, he’s so great. Remember when he cheated on you though?” — Pam
“Which time?” — Kelly

“Erin made it clear to me that he was unable to perform sexually last night. By contrast, I went to sleep with an erection so large it was like I was not wearing a blanket at all.” — Dwight

“Take a man’s job. But leave him his balls. Margaret Thatcher said that. Probably. Don’t know. Don’t read. Didn’t see the movie.” — Nellie

“I have been with several older men.” — Nellie
“How old!?” — Robert & Creed
“Jinx. Buy me some coke.” — Creed

“I don’t see what the problem is. Erin doesn’t even like sex. Remember? You said it was like being attacked by a skeleton.” — Gabe

“Haven’t heard any complaints. Wouldn’t care if I did.” — Creed

“If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t have an orgasm till I was 42. And then when I did, it lasted till I was 44…I  got nothing done.” — Phyllis

“Dad. Go to hell. I’m taller than you.” — Andy

“Ravi makes me incredibly happy. And Ryan puts me through so much drama. So I guess I have to decide which of those is more important to me.” — Kelly

“I know that I haven’t always treated you the way that you, for whatever reason, feel you deserve to be treated.” — Ryan

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Community 3.16 “Virtual Systems Analysis” (***1/2) — When Annie convinces Abed to let her spend some time with him in the Dreamatorium, what starts as an innocent simulation of “Inspector Spacetime” becomes a more serious examination of the study group members. You have to hand it to the writers of this show to keep up the insane creativity and taking chances on a weekly basis.

“I use a pneumonic device. Kevin, Please Come Over For Gay Sex.” — Pierce
“Why wouldn’t you use Karen?” — Annie
“Cause it’s gay sex, dummy.” — Pierce
“Why wouldn’t you use ‘great’?” — Shirley

“Three hours? I could watch the first half of three movies.” — Pierce

“I can’t go to Senor Kevin. The manager and I are enemies. He said Die Hard was bad. He said Die Hard was bad.” — Abed

“Is this a social cue?” — Abed

“I don’t usually support lunch because it’s unfair to breakfast.” — Abed, pretending to be Britta

“Right, I’m stupid.” — Annie
“Not stupid. Just less able to see what I see.” — Abed

“And another thing I hate Die Hard. Two FBI agents named Johnson? Come on!” — Senor Kevin manager

:::Abed pretending to be Troy and Britta kissing:::

“I cried during About a Boy. The soundtrack.” — Troy

“I use comparisons about Hitler to win arguments on the Internet.” — Troy

“I didn’t get Inception. I didn’t get Inception. There’s so many layers!” — Troy

“Maybe the dreamatorium really works. Or maybe Leonard was watching in the bushes and told Abed about it.” — Jeff
“I don’t have cable.” — Leonard

“Look at 2001. Did we have a space odyssey? We got snowboarding in the Olympics and we over-validated Carson Daly.” — Annie

“Sounds like this has been a game-changing day for all of us. I almost sat on my balls, but at the last second, I made an adjustment.” — Pierce

“Okay. I didn’t avoid sitting on them. I sat right on them. Hurt like hell. I saw eagles.” — Pierce

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30 Rock 6.18 “Murphy Brown Lied to Us” (***1/2) — In the episode, Liz reconsiders her decision to not have a child; Jenna stages a celebrity breakdown to bring Paul back to her; and Jack  runs into production problems at his new couch factory.

“Look at you. All sweaty with your tool belt and your 90s haircut. You look like you’re in a gay porno.” — Liz
“Oh yeah? You’re one to talk, buddy.” — Criss

“You have a baby name book and you circled Adolf?” — Criss
“Actually,  I borrowed that book from my mother. So be glad I’m not a boy.” — Liz

“We have been creating and solving this country’s problems for 200 years. Where’s our history month?” — Jack

“Nixon has been dead for almost 20 years. Not in cyrogenic hibernation, resting up for 2016.” — Jack

“I didn’t get to work an hour late just to be the first one here.” — Tracy

“I’m just having a celebrity breakdown. It’s the new sex tape, something I’d wish I’d known before I released my sex tape with the Six Flags guy.” — Jenna

“You’re the one who insisted on hiring American engineers. All they teach us now is how to build roller coasters and Survivor challenges.” — Stewart

“I cannot give it to you. I’m a married man. But more importantly, I find you very unattractive.” — Tracy

“Maybe I’ll get the acceptance every 39-year old man craves from his girlfriend’s boss.” — Criss

“When did we get so soft? You know what this country used to sit on? Logs. Girders. Poles. Being comfortable? That’s not what America is all about. Kouchtown. Sit down or get out of the way.” — Hank in Kouchtown commercial

“David Blaine…” — David
“I can see you’re on a skateboard, David.” — Jenna
“This is why we broke up, Jenna.” — David

“You weren’t the only student I dated, but you were the only one who shot my wife.” — Jenna’s teacher

” I tried to get my high school tennis team to call me Ace, but they wanted to call me Shorts Accident. So we settled on Super Virgin.” — Liz

“Where’s Kev? It’s Game Go!” — Criss

“Jenna, I’ve been thinking…” — Tracy
“Why? You’re famous!” — Jenna

“I’ve never made a mistake, so I don’t understand. But I’m here for you.” — Tracy

“You’re being so trans-vaginal right now.” — Liz

“I know how to get Avery Jessup home!” — Mr. Wang (in Korean)
“I totally blew off that week of Korean we did. Let’s get the translator.” — CIA Interrogator

“When did gum get so soft, you sons of bitches? You know what this country use to chew? Tree bark. Glass. Shotgun shells. The broken swords of our vanquished enemies. That’s why I buy Bazooka Joe Gum. It’s like chewing a mountain that someone shot a freeze ray into. What’s wrong with this country? Huh? When did we lose our way? Detroit? Life is hard. Shouldn’t everything else be harder?” — Hank in Bazooka Joe Gum commercial

FILM: Mansome — Trailer

Posted: April 23, 2012 in Film, Trailers
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