TV: South Park 16.4 “Jewpacabra” Best Lines

Posted: April 5, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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South Park 16.4 “Jewpacabra” (**1/2) — South Park’s big Easter egg hunt is in jeopardy when there are rumors of a dangerous beast lurking in the woods nearby. Cartman tries to warn everyone that their lives are at risk if they participate in the egg hunt. No one believes him until he produces video evidence of the mysterious being.

“Yah huh, Token! Don’t think it won’t come after you just because you’re black!” — Cartman

“You and me are going to try and catch Jewpacabra on video.” — Cartman
“No! It’s a school night.” — Butters

“Don’t forget. We’re talking about a creature that drinks blood, hides in the night, and has absolutely no belief in the divinity of Christ.” — Cartman

“I’m going to try to use a Jewpacabra mating call. No Christ! Jesus is a lie!” — Cartman

“What do you think the chances are that this Jewpacabra is real?” — Sooper Foods CEO
“I’m estimating somewhere around .000000001%.” — Billings
“I can’t afford to take that chance.” — Sooper Foods CEO

“If we rule out a human and a Sasquatch, a Jewpacabra is really all we have left.” — Zoologist

“Jesus loves me this I know/Cause Republicans tell me so.” — Cartman

“Let me start by saying Sooper Foods is absolutely not an anti-Semitic company……..but if your people do have a monster creature that feeds on Easter children, we just wanted to let you know there is a sacrifice in the park that is totally fun and safe to eat.” — Sooper Foods CEO

“Guys?! Where the hell are you guys?” — Cartman
“Well, we got scared so we went next door to Wing Street.” — Butters

“Money! I have lots of money! O God. What am I doing?” — Cartman

“We shot it!” — Zoologist 1
“Now what do we do?” — Zoologist 2
“Get a show on Animal Planet!” — Zoologist 3

“You’re wrong, Kyle. God is not a dick.” — Cartman

“No matter what happens, we can never believe in the Hebrew version of God.” — Cartman’s Egyptian father


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