TV: New Girl 1.21 “Kids” Best Lines

Posted: April 22, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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New Girl 1.21 “Kids” (***1/2) — Jess meets Russell’s ex wife and agrees to watch their daughter, who develops a crush on Nick. Cece is scared that she is pregnant with Schmidt’s child. Nick dates an artsy college student, who is a lot younger than Nick thinks. Winston tries to get his boss on the set of a talk show hosted by Michael Strahan.

“Schmidt becomes so athletic that birth control becomes one of those plastic barbecue covers in a hurricane.” — Cece
“I didn’t want to know that.” — Jess

“I can’t stop thinking about what a Schmidt baby would be like. Would it need a nurse all the time?” — Cece
“We could make like a douche baby jar.” — Jess
“I was the bomb diggity as a baby. I was break dancing at like eight months old. They say I needed a magnum size diaper.” — Schmidt

“Please put on some pants. Everything you say sounds really creepy when you’re not wearing pants.” — Jess
“Your hair looks nice.” — Nick
“Eww.” — Jess & Winston
This coffee is smoldering.” — Nick
“Eww.” — Jess & Winston

“Does she want something more than sex? Do you think she’s finally becoming a girl? Because I can’t handle that, man.” — Schmidt

“Why do you have so many bras? You’re a teacher.” — Sarah
“Teachers  need bras too. You know. A lot of erasing and stuff?” — Jess

“Have you done a 99?” — Sarah
“I think that’s a tax form.” — Jess

“I want to rub my face on his face! Ahh!” — Sarah

“I love the juxtaposition of high brow literary with low brow youth culture.” — Chloe
“It’s almost too much juxtaposition for me. You knwo what I mean? Like right up to the line of juxtaposition.” — Nick

(Schmidt pretending to talk to a girl in front of Cece)
“What you got going on, ma? It’s the freaking weekend?” — Schmidt
“Did you just call me girl?” — Nick
“Are you wearing something sexy?” — Schmidt
“Button down and jeans, like always.” — Nick
“O. You got jeans on, baby? Are they tight?” — Schmidt
“They’re a little loose. I buy them big.” — Nick
“Them jeans sound sexy.” — Schmidt
“Everything alright? You want to hang out more, Schmidt?” — Nick
“You taking care of that tushy for me?” — Schmidt
“I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts.” — Nick
“You still keeping it tight?” — Schmidt

“We made a caramel miracle.” — Schmidt

“An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn’t want that? Think about the bone structure.” — Schmidt

“You guys are like Gossip Girl. Except everyone is old and poor.” — Sarah

“I don’t want to impregnate the baby. We could have a Russian nesting doll on our hands.” — Schmidt

“She’s 18 years old.” — Nick
She doesn’t even know Netscape is. She thinks Ice Cube is mainly an actor.” — Schmidt

“I should call you Indian in the Cupboard. Because you put an Indian in the… Nevermind.” — Jess

“I’m not having kids till I’m 80.” — Jess


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