TV: New Girl 1.23 “Backslide” Best Lines

Posted: May 27, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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New Girl 1.23 “Backslide” Best Lines (***) — Jess, still heartbroken over her breakup with Russell, spends the night with Paul, who later reveals that he has a girlfriend. Nick, who is now back together with Caroline, decides to move in with her. Cece introduces Schmidt to her grandmother and Winston gets his ear pierced during a wild night out with his boss.

“I have a broken penis. Don’t pretension on my pain.” — Schmidt

“Am I self-sabotaging? Am I secretly a Cylon?” — Jess

“The fact that you were wearing pajamas in the presence of your lover tells me that relationship was doomed from the start.” — Schmidt

“Why is she dressed like a Women Studies major?” — Jess

“Old people freak me out with their hands and their legs. They’re like the human version of pleated pants.” — Schmidt

“All time worst crier. It’s like he’s a slow motion sneeze.” — Jess

“Does that feed information back to Shelby to keep track of your migration pattern?” — Jess
“Drop it.” — Winston
“Please, Jess. He just got back from Carnival.” — Schmidt

“I’ve never been more flaccid in my life.” — Schmidt

“You’re not…not making sense.” — Nick

“Now I know how Bill Clinton feels like.” — Paul
“Now I know how Monica Lewinsky feels.” — Jess
“I’m sorry I made you feel like Monica Lewinsky.” — Paul
“Stop crying.” — Jess

“Are you crying? What’s wrong?” — Jenn
“I’m sorry that’s how the electoral collage works, man.” — Jess
“That seems so unfair that votes don’t mean as much.” — Paul

“I’ve been her. I’ve been Asian me before.” — Jess

“Take it easy, black George Michael.” — Jess, to Winston

“Is emotional intimacy turning you on?” — Cece

“How did the audition go?” — Nick
“What?” — Winston
“For the Disney pirate movie.” — Nick
“Hey Mr. T called. He wants to punch you because that earring looks stupid.”

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?/
No. A summer’s day is not a bitch.” — Nick’s poem

“I thought you were Asian me, but now I realize…I’m just Caucasian you.” — Jess
“What?” — Jenn
“What?” — Paul

“Will you, will you marry him?” — Jess

“Only until my penis stops looking like a knotted wizard staff.” — Schmidt

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