TV: Modern Family 3.23 “Tableau Vivant” Best Lines

Posted: June 3, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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Modern Family 3.23 “Tableau Vivant” (***1/2) — As Alex prepares the family for a class project, Claire and Mitchell have a spat over parenting techniques. Gloria and Jay argue over Jay’s relationship with a waitress. Luke gets a medal he may not have deserved, and Phil attempts to fire Mitchell.

“Mitchell, I love you very much. I not only love you, but admire you. And…” — Phil
“Are you firing him or proposing to him?” — Claire

“I can’t do it. This isn’t the face of a cold-blooded hatchet man. Will you do it?” — Phil

“I’m getting a medal for school for putting out a fire. Maybe that’s what I should be when I grow up. A professional medal-getter.” — Luke

“The Jay Pritchard? I don’t understand. They named you after a sandwich?” — Gloria

“You making a sandwich or attracting a deer?” — Gloria

“Every day, I say no in this house.” — Claire
“But at night, she’s a yes machine.” — Phil
“No.” — Claire

“I tried to break up with a girl and I danced around it so much, she didn’t know I had broken up with her. Twenty years later, we’re still married.” — Phil

“You’re a tiny bit loud.” — Jay
“Loud?” — Gloria
“Not all the time. Only when you talk.” — Jay

“I finally had to lie down. Didn’t help my reputation.” — Mitchell

“Lily, no!” — Everyone
“We’re trying not to say that word.” — Cam

“If you’re not careful, it can come off a little know-it-all-y.” — Phil
“That’s not a word.  What you mean to say is that it can come off like I know it all.” — Claire

“That’s hogwash.” — Mitchell
“As someone who’s seen hogwash, I can assure you it’s not.” — Cam

“Is that jealous? Ay, my poor sisters.” — Gloria

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