TV: 30 Rock 6.21 “The Return of Avery Jessup” Best Lines

Posted: June 10, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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30 Rock 6.21 “The Return of Avery Jessup” (***) — Avery returns from North Korea with a stranger in tow; Liz and Criss struggle with their gender roles.

“Sorry I taste like Korean cigarettes. Tobacco is the only thing with protein over there. Their meat is just deflated Kibbles.” — Avery

“If it’s a nursery, then you can hear the baby. Or a plant. It’s your body.” — Criss

“I could dip into my 401(k) is something I hear old people saying in commercials.” — Liz

“Who sponsored your wedding?” — Jenna
“I don’t know. There was a lot of Fanta and the police. So maybe they co-sponsored it?” — Tracy

“Leonardi, my hair psychic, is always saying how down to earth I am.” — Jenna

“They’re paying for me and Paul to get married on an old plantation, which is great because our wedding was going to be slavery-themed anyway.” — Jenna

“It’s only a dream wedding? Thank God! I did not want to attend.” — Tracy

“Not much was changed. There’s an iPad 3. And a Mitt Romney 4. They worked all the bugs out. He’s not killing hobos at night anymore.” — Jack

“I didn’t wear your nightgowns. If they seem stretched out, it’s because you’re remembering wrong.” — Jack

“I’ve been writing a sex column for Cosmo. Cosmo is my 14-year old neighbor. He doesn’t know anything.” — Jenna

“Sex. Money. Power. Fire. Choking. Being dragged behind a speed boat. It’s all the same thing.” — Jenna

“Paul keeps the house nice. And I try to get him pregnant.” — Jenna

“You wear the pants, Liz! You don’t necessary pull it off because of the hips, but you wear them!” — Jenna

“An hour for the year? Am I supposed to just scratch the surface of Channing Tatum’s meteoric rise?” — Liz

“She’s still furious with Al Gore for George Bush’s idea to have an internet.” — Jack

“You French-Canadian kissed her mother, which is my name of French kissing when it bums everyone out.” — Liz

“I’m classy.” — Jenna
“People who say that about themselves usually are.” — Tracy

“I thought you liked the Criss point system.” — Liz
“Only because liking the Criss point system is one of the ways I earn Criss points!” — Criss

“You’re the one that wanted to sell hot dogs out of a car.” — Liz
“It is a van with a car engine.” — Criss

“He’s probably named Spencer or Grant and he has a watch and an office and a trashcan and a little basketball hoop on it and he plays as hard as he works. Because dammit, he deserves to blow off a little steam.” — Criss
“God! I don’t want to be with Spencer.” — Liz
“And yet you’re silent about Grant.” — Criss

” I wanna throw a Natty Lite at a cop car!” — Jenna

“That is not what I suggested. You just hear what you want to hear.” — Liz
“O thank you. They’re from Italy.” — Jack

“She has the brain of a man and the ass of a French teenager.” — Jack

“Fine! I promised myself I wouldn’t mutter as I walked away.” — Liz (voiceover)

“They thought they were fancy even though they were secretly crap. That’s it! That’s who I am. I’m that knockout designer shoe. My outside is shiny and pretty. But my inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue.” — Jack

“Tonight I’m Mayor Boomberg. Boo! Boo!” — Mayor Bloomberg

“I had an erotic dream about an adult Dora the Explorer.” — Jack

“That’s what we’re going to do. Renew our vows.” — Jack
“We need a new blender anyway.” — Avery


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