TV: Louie 3.2 “Telling Jokes/Set Up” Best Lines

Posted: July 14, 2012 in Best Lines, Television
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Louie 3.2 “Telling Jokes/Set Up” (****) — Louie accidentally gets set up on a blind date. Meanwhile, he shares jokes with his two daughters at the dinner table.

“Knock knock.” — Jane
“No. You didn’t let me a minute ago.” — Louie
“Daddy, please! Knock knock.” — Jane
“Who’s there?” — Louie
“Moo.” — Jane
“Moo who?” — Louie
“I didn’t know you were crying, cow.” — Jane

“She said, who didn’t let the gorilla into the ballet? I love this joke. I have not heard this joke. This is a new joke for me. Who didn’t let the gorilla into the ballet? And she said Just the people who were in charge of that decision. Just the folks who made the assessment. I love this joke because I picture it. The whole story is in my head of people going into the movie theater, and the gorillas are not trying to make eye contact and they’re just trying to text.” — Louie

“I was talking to my daughter like this, bent over. And I realized. I’m her first asshole. I’m her first one.” — Louie

“O you don’t have children? What happened? What happened? I pulled out. I shot on the sheets. That’s what happened.” — Allan

“24. That guy has a young, nervous penis. He’s like that guy in the war movies. Any sound it makes, it goes What was that? Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!” — Allan

“Babe, where’s the vodka?” — Debbie
“You drank it.” — Allan
“Oh yeah.” — Debbie

“Why didn’t you say a word during dinner?” — Debbie
“Oh, you want me to talk now? Fucking bullshit.” — Allan

“I just did you. You’re not going to do me? That’s just not fair.” — Laurie
“No, we just have different values.” — Louie

“You know how many dicks I’ve sucked that I didn’t want to suck cause I’m a good kid, cause I do what’s right. I never left anyone hanging. How dare you?” — Laurie

“Your sperms are dying inside my mouth right now, goddammit. Where are the gentlemen? What is wrong with this country?” — Laurie

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