FILM: John Carter — Review (*)

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There are a hundred ways to describe John Carter and there is no way to describe it at all. It has a little bit of Avatar and a little bit of Dances with Wolves. It has sprinklings of Clash of the Titans with Star Wars Episode 1 mixed in. But despite all the remnants of the familiar, Andrew Stanton’s Carter really is something from another world, on a class of its own. And it’s a class made up of delinquent children who can barely speak or act, walk or direct. Everyone involved is this project, I assume, attempted to drum up some heart or soul or at least some old-fashioned fun in the drawn-out, uneven-paced 131 minutes. The end result has barely any of that. Hell, I’m not even sure it has a plot.

Here’s what I made out of it. Carter (Taylor Kitsch) is a Civil War veteran who magically transports to Mars, only to find himself in the middle of warring factions. He escapes as prisoner, but he realizes his uncanny leaping ability and brute strength (and overexposed 10-pack abs. Hey! Mars is hot) — He realizes all these “gifts” can help him save a princess and a people. Fine. I’m not going to make fun of the narrative because it already makes fun of itself. But beyond that, plenty of absurd plots have gone on to find critical and mainstream success. Look at Inception (a dream within a dream within a dream within a dream) or Midnight in Paris (Owen Wilson meets artists of yesteryear). It’s never the plot itself that dooms a movie. It’s the execution.

And it’s in that execution that is most frustrating. Stanton has been one of driving forces behind Disney Pixar’s success, writing and directing films like Finding Nemo and Monsters, Inc. Granted, all these films were animated. But good storytelling is good storytelling, whether it be animated or live-action, black-and-white or color, silent, or a talkie. In fact, Stanton’s most recent film WALL-E was considered by most as one of the most sophisticated films in the history of animation. This is why I was excited to see this film. This is why Disney granted John Carter with a loose $250 million budget. And this is why the final feature was all the more disappointing.

Ultimately, it’s the storytelling that was the most off-kilter. Maybe Stanton was too distracted by his own CGI characters that he forgot the basics to filmmaking. Beyond all the bright colors and sweeping landscape shots, the audience will get bored quickly. Forget what the marketers tell you. Shiny, new objects get old, real fast. We need to understand more of Carter’s past. His brief, cloudy flashbacks do not offer enough clarity. We want to sympathize with the native people of Mars. A voiceover does not suffice. We deserve to be treated as an audience of intellect. Beyond the wow (there’s not many anyway), we need to know the more important questions of why or how.

Maybe I was wrong in my talent evaluation all along, and not just about Stanton. If I didn’t know any better, I thought the casting director pulled men and women off the street of Los Angeles. But I do know better. Kitsch was a mainstay in one of the finest television series in recent history, Friday Night Lights. Dominic West was a lead actor in arguably the finest television series of all time, The Wire. Add in fantastic character actors — Thomas Haden Church, Willem Defoe, Mark Strong, Bryan Cranston — and this should have been at the very least a showcase for acting. Instead, the characters were skin-deep and the acting didn’t help.

That’s the story of John Carter — could’ve should’ve would’ve. Visionary director. Check. Capable actors. Check. A healthy budget. Check. But as they say in sports, that’s why you play the game. And in this case, that’s you they make the movie. Unfortunately for me, I had to watch said movie. Don’t make the same mistake.

FILM: We Bought A Zoo Review (***1/2)

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We Bought a Zoo has all the makings for a movie I hate — a cheesy premise, a predictable narrative, and Scarlett Johansson. But somehow — beyond all the manipulative tears I shed — it worked, and I liked it. If I relinquished the final piece of my skeptical pride, I can say loved it. Take away the fancy industry words like screenplay and cinematography, and it’s really about a film connecting with our hearts. And well — my heart was enraptured, intoxicated, and embarrassingly smitten by We Bought a Zoo. It would take the most cynical of men not to feel the same.

Cameron Crowe’s (Jerry Maguire, Almost Famous) latest feature tells the true story of widowed father Benjamin Mee who quits his job and starts over on a zoo. Like I said, a cheesy premise. The superficial challenges are obvious (taking care of 47 animal species), but Mee’s greater challenge is letting go of a wife he loved dearly with the children he has now. Like I said, a predictable narrative. And along the way, his family finds “comfort” in the animals and caretakers around them. Like I said, Scarlett Johansson.

Despite the pitfalls, the film sings on a highly emotional level. Matt Damon leads the charge as Benjamin, a mature version of Jerry Maguire if Renee Zellweger died and Jonathan Lipnicki grew up to be an angsty teenager. It’s kind of hard to believe this was the same guy who played Jason Bourne. But nevertheless, Damon is genuine and heartfelt, a non-showy performance of pain and strength.

Similar to The Descendants, Zoo attempts to show strong men at their weakest moments — in prolonged moment of grief. But unlike Alexander Payne, Crowe’s film is decidedly more accessible to the mainstream audience. From his usual taste for a quality soundtrack to his work with child actors (Maggie Elizabeth Jones, Elle Fanning), Crowe returns back to form following his decade of box-office flops. He still overreaches at some points through an extra plate of cheese (e.g. “I like the animals, but I love the humans”), but when he plucks his strings just right, it’s impossible not to smile with this movie. Maybe shed a tear too.

We Bought a Zoo opens December 23. Here’s the trailer below.