Archive for June, 2012

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30 Rock 6.22 “What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?” (***) — Jack and Avery renew vows, while Criss tries to prove to Liz that he’s the one.

“That’s where Van Der Beek and I step in.” — Criss
“You named your van after the guy from Dawson’s Creek?” — Liz
“I’ve seen everything he’s ever been in except for that.” — Criss

“Hey! I don’t bail. I am still watching Smash, Criss.” — Liz

“Obviously I can’t go to a homeless shelter. Those people can be a little sexually conservative for my taste.” — Hazel

“What Bill O’Reilly erotic novel are you living in?” — Liz

“I get your Yankees tickets on A-Rod bobblehead day. And I’m going to throw that thing in front of a train. Go Phillies!” — Liz

“I’m kind of between tuxes due to weight fluctuation.” — Tracy

“I know a little bit about suffering because I work out a lot. I think we have a clip.” — News Anchor

“You don’t have a place to live? Where will wait patiently in the dark while you wait for the next day to start I mean sleep” — Kenneth

“I don’t mean it. I nice it.” — Kenneth

“I’d admire if you if you weren’t brunette.” — Jenna
“I’m a natural blonde.” — Hazel
“That’s insane!” — Jenna

“Who were your black role models growing up?” — Dr. Cornell West
“Darth Vader.  Ninjas. Some black licorice I tried to make into shape of my dad.” — Tracy

“One day we may love while tapping. It was beautiful. No butt stuff.” — Scott

“To quote George W. Bush, Lemon, bring em on. He said that to me in Galveston when a bus load of drunk debutantes tried to get on his boat. It was named Mr. Waterboat. Did it sink? Yes. Because there were too many people on it. But the spirit of his words live on.” — Jack

“And to think I thought Hazel was a bitch! Friendly and loyal like a female dog. She isn’t a bitch. She’s a meanie pants.” — Kenneth

“It’s Tyler Perry. From now on, my movies will be produced, written, directed, and seen exclusively by African Americans.” — Tracy

“I played Avery Jessup in Kidnapped by Danger now available on Sega Genesis.” — Jenna

“You said baby instead of plant. Now say mancave.” — Criss

“We are thinking about having a baby. Together. That will emerge from my vagina. Or a Chinese vagina.” — Liz

“Any child would be lucky to have to be the mother it loves, then hates for a few years, then loves again, then half-heartedly defends to its spouse, then puts in a home.” — Jack

“Don’t overthink the names. Stick to kings and queens of England. There’ll never be a President Ashton or Dr. Katniss or non-sexually confused Lorne. Number 2.” — Jack

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30 Rock 6.21 “The Return of Avery Jessup” (***) — Avery returns from North Korea with a stranger in tow; Liz and Criss struggle with their gender roles.

“Sorry I taste like Korean cigarettes. Tobacco is the only thing with protein over there. Their meat is just deflated Kibbles.” — Avery

“If it’s a nursery, then you can hear the baby. Or a plant. It’s your body.” — Criss

“I could dip into my 401(k) is something I hear old people saying in commercials.” — Liz

“Who sponsored your wedding?” — Jenna
“I don’t know. There was a lot of Fanta and the police. So maybe they co-sponsored it?” — Tracy

“Leonardi, my hair psychic, is always saying how down to earth I am.” — Jenna

“They’re paying for me and Paul to get married on an old plantation, which is great because our wedding was going to be slavery-themed anyway.” — Jenna

“It’s only a dream wedding? Thank God! I did not want to attend.” — Tracy

“Not much was changed. There’s an iPad 3. And a Mitt Romney 4. They worked all the bugs out. He’s not killing hobos at night anymore.” — Jack

“I didn’t wear your nightgowns. If they seem stretched out, it’s because you’re remembering wrong.” — Jack

“I’ve been writing a sex column for Cosmo. Cosmo is my 14-year old neighbor. He doesn’t know anything.” — Jenna

“Sex. Money. Power. Fire. Choking. Being dragged behind a speed boat. It’s all the same thing.” — Jenna

“Paul keeps the house nice. And I try to get him pregnant.” — Jenna

“You wear the pants, Liz! You don’t necessary pull it off because of the hips, but you wear them!” — Jenna

“An hour for the year? Am I supposed to just scratch the surface of Channing Tatum’s meteoric rise?” — Liz

“She’s still furious with Al Gore for George Bush’s idea to have an internet.” — Jack

“You French-Canadian kissed her mother, which is my name of French kissing when it bums everyone out.” — Liz

“I’m classy.” — Jenna
“People who say that about themselves usually are.” — Tracy

“I thought you liked the Criss point system.” — Liz
“Only because liking the Criss point system is one of the ways I earn Criss points!” — Criss

“You’re the one that wanted to sell hot dogs out of a car.” — Liz
“It is a van with a car engine.” — Criss

“He’s probably named Spencer or Grant and he has a watch and an office and a trashcan and a little basketball hoop on it and he plays as hard as he works. Because dammit, he deserves to blow off a little steam.” — Criss
“God! I don’t want to be with Spencer.” — Liz
“And yet you’re silent about Grant.” — Criss

” I wanna throw a Natty Lite at a cop car!” — Jenna

“That is not what I suggested. You just hear what you want to hear.” — Liz
“O thank you. They’re from Italy.” — Jack

“She has the brain of a man and the ass of a French teenager.” — Jack

“Fine! I promised myself I wouldn’t mutter as I walked away.” — Liz (voiceover)

“They thought they were fancy even though they were secretly crap. That’s it! That’s who I am. I’m that knockout designer shoe. My outside is shiny and pretty. But my inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue.” — Jack

“Tonight I’m Mayor Boomberg. Boo! Boo!” — Mayor Bloomberg

“I had an erotic dream about an adult Dora the Explorer.” — Jack

“That’s what we’re going to do. Renew our vows.” — Jack
“We need a new blender anyway.” — Avery