FILM: Looper — Trailer

FILM: Taken 2 — Trailer

FILM: Dredd — Trailer

FILM: Monsters University — Teaser Trailer

FILM: The Master — Trailer

TV: 30 Rock 6.22 “What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?” Best Lines

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30 Rock 6.22 “What Will Happen to the Gang Next Year?” (***) — Jack and Avery renew vows, while Criss tries to prove to Liz that he’s the one.

“That’s where Van Der Beek and I step in.” — Criss
“You named your van after the guy from Dawson’s Creek?” — Liz
“I’ve seen everything he’s ever been in except for that.” — Criss

“Hey! I don’t bail. I am still watching Smash, Criss.” — Liz

“Obviously I can’t go to a homeless shelter. Those people can be a little sexually conservative for my taste.” — Hazel

“What Bill O’Reilly erotic novel are you living in?” — Liz

“I get your Yankees tickets on A-Rod bobblehead day. And I’m going to throw that thing in front of a train. Go Phillies!” — Liz

“I’m kind of between tuxes due to weight fluctuation.” — Tracy

“I know a little bit about suffering because I work out a lot. I think we have a clip.” — News Anchor

“You don’t have a place to live? Where will wait patiently in the dark while you wait for the next day to start I mean sleep” — Kenneth

“I don’t mean it. I nice it.” — Kenneth

“I’d admire if you if you weren’t brunette.” — Jenna
“I’m a natural blonde.” — Hazel
“That’s insane!” — Jenna

“Who were your black role models growing up?” — Dr. Cornell West
“Darth Vader.  Ninjas. Some black licorice I tried to make into shape of my dad.” — Tracy

“One day we may love while tapping. It was beautiful. No butt stuff.” — Scott

“To quote George W. Bush, Lemon, bring em on. He said that to me in Galveston when a bus load of drunk debutantes tried to get on his boat. It was named Mr. Waterboat. Did it sink? Yes. Because there were too many people on it. But the spirit of his words live on.” — Jack

“And to think I thought Hazel was a bitch! Friendly and loyal like a female dog. She isn’t a bitch. She’s a meanie pants.” — Kenneth

“It’s Tyler Perry. From now on, my movies will be produced, written, directed, and seen exclusively by African Americans.” — Tracy

“I played Avery Jessup in Kidnapped by Danger now available on Sega Genesis.” — Jenna

“You said baby instead of plant. Now say mancave.” — Criss

“We are thinking about having a baby. Together. That will emerge from my vagina. Or a Chinese vagina.” — Liz

“Any child would be lucky to have to be the mother it loves, then hates for a few years, then loves again, then half-heartedly defends to its spouse, then puts in a home.” — Jack

“Don’t overthink the names. Stick to kings and queens of England. There’ll never be a President Ashton or Dr. Katniss or non-sexually confused Lorne. Number 2.” — Jack

TV: 30 Rock 6.21 “The Return of Avery Jessup” Best Lines

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30 Rock 6.21 “The Return of Avery Jessup” (***) — Avery returns from North Korea with a stranger in tow; Liz and Criss struggle with their gender roles.

“Sorry I taste like Korean cigarettes. Tobacco is the only thing with protein over there. Their meat is just deflated Kibbles.” — Avery

“If it’s a nursery, then you can hear the baby. Or a plant. It’s your body.” — Criss

“I could dip into my 401(k) is something I hear old people saying in commercials.” — Liz

“Who sponsored your wedding?” — Jenna
“I don’t know. There was a lot of Fanta and the police. So maybe they co-sponsored it?” — Tracy

“Leonardi, my hair psychic, is always saying how down to earth I am.” — Jenna

“They’re paying for me and Paul to get married on an old plantation, which is great because our wedding was going to be slavery-themed anyway.” — Jenna

“It’s only a dream wedding? Thank God! I did not want to attend.” — Tracy

“Not much was changed. There’s an iPad 3. And a Mitt Romney 4. They worked all the bugs out. He’s not killing hobos at night anymore.” — Jack

“I didn’t wear your nightgowns. If they seem stretched out, it’s because you’re remembering wrong.” — Jack

“I’ve been writing a sex column for Cosmo. Cosmo is my 14-year old neighbor. He doesn’t know anything.” — Jenna

“Sex. Money. Power. Fire. Choking. Being dragged behind a speed boat. It’s all the same thing.” — Jenna

“Paul keeps the house nice. And I try to get him pregnant.” — Jenna

“You wear the pants, Liz! You don’t necessary pull it off because of the hips, but you wear them!” — Jenna

“An hour for the year? Am I supposed to just scratch the surface of Channing Tatum’s meteoric rise?” — Liz

“She’s still furious with Al Gore for George Bush’s idea to have an internet.” — Jack

“You French-Canadian kissed her mother, which is my name of French kissing when it bums everyone out.” — Liz

“I’m classy.” — Jenna
“People who say that about themselves usually are.” — Tracy

“I thought you liked the Criss point system.” — Liz
“Only because liking the Criss point system is one of the ways I earn Criss points!” — Criss

“You’re the one that wanted to sell hot dogs out of a car.” — Liz
“It is a van with a car engine.” — Criss

“He’s probably named Spencer or Grant and he has a watch and an office and a trashcan and a little basketball hoop on it and he plays as hard as he works. Because dammit, he deserves to blow off a little steam.” — Criss
“God! I don’t want to be with Spencer.” — Liz
“And yet you’re silent about Grant.” — Criss

” I wanna throw a Natty Lite at a cop car!” — Jenna

“That is not what I suggested. You just hear what you want to hear.” — Liz
“O thank you. They’re from Italy.” — Jack

“She has the brain of a man and the ass of a French teenager.” — Jack

“Fine! I promised myself I wouldn’t mutter as I walked away.” — Liz (voiceover)

“They thought they were fancy even though they were secretly crap. That’s it! That’s who I am. I’m that knockout designer shoe. My outside is shiny and pretty. But my inside is filled with cardboard and horse glue.” — Jack

“Tonight I’m Mayor Boomberg. Boo! Boo!” — Mayor Bloomberg

“I had an erotic dream about an adult Dora the Explorer.” — Jack

“That’s what we’re going to do. Renew our vows.” — Jack
“We need a new blender anyway.” — Avery

TV: 30 Rock 6.20 “Queen of Jordan 2: The Mystery of the Phantom Pooper” Best Lines

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30 Rock 6.20 “Queen of Jordan 2: The Mystery of the Phantom Pooper” (***) — Angie’s reality show returns, while Jack and Diana await Avery’s arrival.

“It’s called Chic (Cheek). It’s French.” — Angie

“Cheek is stretchable formal wear for elegant plus size women and huskier gays.” — Angie

“We were able to arrange a prisoner swap next week. In exchange for myw ife,t hey get their spy back, a creative Hollister sweatshirt and a signed hedge out of Don Johnson. They just got Nash Bridges.” — Jack

“I hope that you guys at Bravo. Excuse me, gays at Bravo.” — Jack

“Not to be racist, but white guys are typically punctual. I’m sorry I got so real.” — Tracy

“I’ve never been so disrespected in my life. And I’ve gone to and worked at the post office.” — Angie

“Hey girlfriend! Looks like you need a girlfriend.” — Jenna
“I have a girlfriend. Her name is Raven Simone Sr.” — Angie

“I know they’re not married. I just want them to know I don’t give a fuck about their lives.” — Angie

“Don’t learn to talk. A woman’s power comes from her silence.” — Randi (talking to a baby)

“Contractually, I can only hold beautiful black babies in Benetton ads.” — Cerie

“O my god. Ned Stark is dead?!” — Grizz

“I love my wife. I want her to be happy. But more than that, I want to do nothing. It’s hard trying to have it all.” — Tracy

“That is a bridge too far. That’s right, I read WWII history, motherfucker.” — Angie

“Never talk about a black woman’s leg size. Not on babies. Not on the Williams sisters. Not on a mannequin at Avenue.” — D’Fwan

“D’Fawn doesn’t talk about people behind their back, so I’m going to tell you straight to your face. What you’re saying right now is very boring.” — D’Fwan

“Liz is shady.” — Virginia (the baby)

“This is good TV. I would watch this. I feel bad for Liz.” — Liz

“I wouldn’t know. I really don’t watch TV. I’m more of a masturbator.” — Tracy

“You have no class, you prostitution whore.” — Jenna

“They want me! Which means I’m too good for this crap.” — Jenna

“I was my grandmother’s favorite. So I got all her hand-me-downs.” — Kenneth

“What’s cocaine like?” — Kenneth

“Honey, what was that? Mmph.” — D’Fwan

“I hope you’re at peace with your god Tracy Jordan because you’re about to meet your maker.” — Angie
“Honey. You seem upset.” — Tracy

“You again?! I am so sorry. Different cord.” — Kenneth
“That’s racist.” — Cord

TV: 30 Rock 6.19 “Live From Studio 6H” Best Lines

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30 Rock 6.19 “Live From Studio 6H” (***1/2) — In another live edition of the show, TGS debates on whether its own show should stop going live.

“Do you really love the over-zealous studio audience who will applaud at anything, here in the greatest city on Earth, New York. Baby. What’s up!” — Jack

“From now on, you write and film the whole season in two weeks. Like Wheel of Fortune or Fox News.” — Jack

“Best prom night ever. I’m going to lose my virginity in 9 years.” — Young Liz

“My way is cheaper and you only have to work two weeks a year.” — Jack
“I want to go to there.” — Liz

“Unlike the wildfires I’ve started, this one doesn’t sexually arouse me.” — Hazel

“Mr. Jordan just discovered you can get pornography on the Internet.” — Kenneth
“O my god. He’s going to die in there.” — Liz

“12 Angry Men is preposterous, Kenneth. 11 decent Americans are getting swayed by Jane Fonda’s father?” — Jack

“Next stop. Hollywood, Florida to get the car from my mom. Next stop. California Pizza Kitchen to tell my old boss Nadine to suck it. Next stop. Tinseltown because Christmas decorations are really cheap this time of year.” — Hazel

“Growing bones need tar to hold them together.” — Dr. Leo Spacemen

“Did you pick up the ring?” — Jenna
“Liza Manelli’s baby tooth surrounded by rubies that passed through a terrified Michael Kors.” — Paul

“I may  have a wig and a dress and a gynecologist. But I am a man.” — Paul

“We have a great show or at least that’s what the Jews tell me.” — Joey Montero

“I slept like a baby last night. I woke up with a boob stuck in my mouth.” — Joey Montero

“Glamour. Excitement. What we today would call alcoholism.” — Kenneth

“NBC hired one African-American and one Caucasian because they thought two black people on the same show would make the audience nervous. A rule NBC still uses today.” — Kenneth

“Television replaced radio. Cars replaced horses.” — Liz
“Not where I’m from. Are you telling me the mayor of your hometown is a car? You’re pretty weird.” — Kenneth

“Recent studies have show that while pregnancy is disgusting, babies do not need tar or nicotine.” — Dr. Leo Spaceman

“O my god, Kenneth. It’s my period. It’s uh gonna blow.” Liz
“We both know you’re not due for another nine days.” — Kenneth

“Listen doll, you’re not making any sense. You’re probably hysterical from menstruation. Go lie down and make sure you get plenty of iron. Maybe eat a ham salad.” — Chet

“You have a dynamite shape. But you’re going to have to shut up and let a man tell us what’s happening. Now, is your father or a policeman nearby?” — David

“While they never found Jaime Garnett, that woman who stole his microphone went on to become a wife.” — Kenneth

“This is New York state, bitch. Anyone can marry anything now.” — Hazel

“How could I have been so blind?” — Jenna
“Because you’re a horrible person.” — Hazel
“Thank you. Just portion control and lots of water.” — Jenna

“My coccyx! It’s not funny. coccyx is the scientific term for your butt bone.” — Young Tracy

“To make it more profitable, we just need to do more sponsored product placement.” — Jack
“You should do it with the upcoming Warner Bros. movie Rock of Ages based on the hit Broadway musical rocking to a theater near you June 15. Tom Cruise sings!” — Liz

“I want to marry because of you and so you can’t testify against me in court.” — Jenna

TV: The Office 8.24 “Free Family Portrait Studio” Best Lines

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The Office 8.24 “Free Family Portrait Studio” (*1/2) — Andy tries to take back the company. Dwight tries to prove Angela’s child is his.

“I first thought muffin baskets. But then I thought: what’s even more precious than muffins? Their own children.” — Dwight

“I found out where he got his clothes dry cleaned, custom ordered the same suit made with tearaway velcro and you can fill in the rest. Now, he’s trying to get me to bring my children into work. I think it’s fair to be cautious.” — Jim

“What flavor is that?” — Daryl
“Coconut penis.” —
“The coconut is very subtle.” — Daryl

“When I finally do give in, I would go crazy on myself.” — Daryl

“O. How the mediocre have fallen.” — Gabe

“Good good. This carpet is overdue for a mopping.” — Creed

“Happy birthday to Gabe!” — Gabe
“Get out, skeleton man.” — Nellie

“Operation Phoenix is a go. Just get the car ready.” — Dwight

“You’re better than this. Everyone is better than this because this is the worst thing I’ve ever seen.” — Robert

“Do not bring Shakespeare into this. How dare you play the Bard card.” — Andy

“I just want motherfucking delicious moment. Is that too much to ask?” — Andy

“Special projects manager. That’s my background. I just go around doing whatever I want.” — Nellie

TV: The Office 8.23 “Turf War” Best Lines

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The Office 8.23 “Turf War” (*1/2) — After Robert California closes down the Syracuse branch, a turf war begins between two Dunder Mifflin branches. Meanwhile, Andy makes an independent move of his own.

“Protein water, huh? You cut it with water? Why don’t you just take estrogen?” — Dwight

“I think we all want to know the same thing, right? Who’s the strongest? Well, there’s only one way to solve that. Thigh curl contest.” — Jim

“Where the hell are Jim Halpert and Dwight Schrute?” — Harry
“Jim? Dwight? What are your last names?” — Erin

“We’re actually closer to Binghamton than you are. kemosabe. I like to think Lloyd Gross is a no-nonsense guy who doesn’t back down from anybody and he likes to call people kemosabe.” — Toby

“They still want to know who gets the big client. Well, they can wait. I’ll still be talking about geishas long after their bed time.” — Robert

“Does this thing have turbo? Nitris? Hit the nos?” — Dwight
“Nos? Like the thing in Fast and Furious?” — Jim

“I need girl talk.” — Angela
“Did someone say girl talk?” — Gabe

“Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries in my scrotum, because I’m pretty good at girl talk.” — Gabe

“Do you think I’d like that do you think I need to have an Asian fetish?” — Nellie
“I think you’re going to need an Asian Fetish. It’s going to be pretty upsetting if you don’t.” — Gabe

“My wireless password is eatpraylove. Easy to remember.” — Andy

“Your partner’s got a lot of attitude. I like that. How long you’ve been dating?” — Harry
“Jim couldn’t land me in a thousand years.” — Dwight
“But you’re saying there’s a chance.” — Jim

“I will not be blackmailed by some ineffectual, privileged, effete, soft-penis debutante.” — Robert

TV: The Office 8.22 “Fundraiser” Best Lines

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The Office 8.22 “Fundraiser” (**) — After Andy gets fired from the office, he attends a fundraiser and sees Robert California there.

“I hate ties. I feel like I’m being strangled like I’m at some erotic asphyxiation sex club over on I-84. The Red Room, say? Or Dominick’s?” — Robert

“I knew this would happen. Everybody told me that if I moved to America, I’d be murdered.” — Nellie

“Tonight could be the night that Daryl and I go from casual work friends to actual good friends. The only thing standing in our way is the contempt he seems to feel for me.” — Nellie

“O man! This is weird!” — Kevin

“I just bid $20 on six jujitsu lessons. No one’s raping this guy!” — Creed
“I don’t want to get raped! $22…” — Creed
“It was my idea to not be raped!” — Kevin

“I guess he’s the stupid guy in the office. Cause up till now, we didn’t have one.” — Kevin

“Hey jabroni. Show some class.” — Meredith
“She’s right, Andy. You’re being a jabroni.” —  Stanley
“You’re being a Thomas Oregon!” — Andy

“Life isn’t Downton Abbey.” — Jim
“Life is Downton Abbey.” — Pam

“He doesn’t think Jim is gay. A gay man wouldn’t leave the house wearing those shoes.” — Oscar
“A gay man wouldn’t leave the store wearing those shoes.” — Pam
“Hey. You bought me these shoes.” — Jim

“I am going to take that bitch home. That is a female dog reference. This bitch understands loyalty. Sassy human reference.” — Andy

“I’d have to be a monster to root for that. A lonely, raging monster.” — Oscar

“Speech!” — Jim

“Sometimes, I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes, I mean all times. All the times. Every of the time.” — Kevin

TV: Community 3.22 “Introduction to Finality” Best Lines

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Community 3.22 “Introduction to Finality” (***) — In the aftermath of “Chang’s Dynasty,” Troy joins air conditioning school and Abed is clinically depressed. Meanwhile, Jeff helps Shirley win back her store in court against Pierce.

“Can we stay on target?” — Jeff
“Did someone say sexy construction worker?” — Dean Pelton

“This mole hill is becoming a mountain. You guys work it out while I put together an alpine costume.” — Dean Pelton

“Shut up, Leonard. I know about your crooked wang.” — Britta
“No such thing as bad press.” — Leonard

“I’m not talking to you because I’m not crazy.” — Abed
“Think of it as inner dialogue.” — Evil Abed
“I’m reading the novelization of Chronicles of Riddick.” — Abed
“Can you honestly say that’s a saner decision?” — Evil Abed

“You know how crazy and paranoid he can get.” — Jeff
“A ha! Crazy? Paranoid? Impotent?” — Pierce

“Scout’s honor, Sinead O’ Connor.” — Alan

“First of all, there’s one decision I need your help making. Judging Amy or Judge Judy.” — Dean Pelton

“Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist, Britta? A person that wishes deep down  everyone more special than them was sick. Because healthy sounds so much more exciting than boring. You’re average, Britta Perry. You’re every kid on the playground that didn’t get picked on. You’re business casual potted plant, a human white sale. You’re VH1, Robocop 2, and Back to the future 3. You’re the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I’m the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You’re Jim Belushi.” — Evil Abed

“Alright? so you’re telling me they’re not good at basketball?!” — Pierce

“Who cares? Everything is terrible.” — Britta
“O no! Have you been watching Dance Moms again?” — Annie

“This place is so gay.” — Alan
“Hey! Don’t use gay as a derogatory term. Boo ya. Good person.” — Pierce

“You’re the only therapist I can really trust. A therapist that has as little control over my mind as me.” — Abed

TV: Community 3.21 “First Chang Dynasty” Best Lines

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Community 3.21 “First Chang Dynasty” (***1/2) — The group plan an elaborate heist to rescue Dean Pelton away from Chang.

“Of course. The head of security at Greendale Community Colleege has kidnapped the dean and replaced him with a deanoganger.” — Officer Cackowski
“Well, when you say it that way, it sounds ridiculous.” — Jeff
“The word we used was doppledeaner.” — Troy

“Look. I hate cops…………” — Britta

“Love is not admissible evidence. I’m working on a cop opera.” — Officer Cackowski
“Copera!” — Everyone
“Polisical!” — Pierce

“Dance off? Sundae bar? One of those Ed Hardy magicians? What kind of monster would…photo booths with props!” — Troy

“Where is the key?” — Troy
:::cut scene to key around Chang’s neck:::
“Well, where is it?” — Troy
“Oh sorry. Very sorry in my head. The key is around Chang’s neck.” — Murray

“Not a lot of people get a second chance. Just you and probably, Barack Obama.” — Murray

“Do you know how long someone as sarcastic as I am would last in prison? Suuuch a long time.” — Jeff

“We just need to plan an elaborate heist.” — Jeff
“Great. I’ll get my turban.” — Pierce
“Everyone but Pierce has to plan an elaborate heist.” — Jeff

“You’re in the getaway van because your Swami act is notoriously horrible.” — Jeff
“A. That is racist. B. Swamis can’t drive. They’re Indians!” — Pierce

“I’m in!” — Britta
“I know.” — Annie
“Everybody else got to say it.” — Britta

“Sar. Cas. Tic. Claps.” — Chang

“Chang. You’re insane. You’re into keytar?” — Troy

“Fire can’t burn through door, stupid. It’s not a ghost.” — Chang

“We need a distraction.” — Shirley
“You heard the lady. Take your tops off.” — Pierce

“Which wire do I cut?” — Abed
“There’s only one.” — Troy

“Karl. Richie. Let me exchang.” — Chang

“Nobody can sit on something this big.” — Karl
“I’ll sit on it.” — Dean Pelton

“I made a pledge, to follow this school’s failures and spit out degrees. Because that’s what deans do.” — Dean Pelton

“A man is only as good as his word. Or a nod to the camera with a black…” — Troy

“Shirley. Never change. Or do if you want. I’m not your boss.” — Troy

“Never wear a rubber.” — Pierce
“Never listen to Pierce.” — Jeff

“This is a lock of my hair.” — Britta
“Creepy…” — Troy

TV: Community 3.20 “Digital Estate Planning” Best Lines

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Community 3.20 “Digital Estate Planning” (****) — Pierce and the gang attempt to win his father’s inheritance through a video game.

“Before that, I was just a teenager who read the Bible to him in the bathtub.” — Gilbert

“How about that check….soul brother.” — Pierce

“Which one is me? I assume nothing because I’m not racist.” — Britta

“Peace. Love.” — Hippie
“Aw.” — Annie
“Annie. Stop saying aw to everything.” — Troy
“Don’t be jaded. He’s saying peace.” — Annie
“Sex.” — Hippie
“Did he say sex?” — Shirley

“Pierce. Point the joystick right.” — Annie
“So I’m supposed to just guess that? What are the instructions?” — Pierce

“I designed this game upon my death by you and whatever cabal fruit of juggies and sluts you call your friends.” — Cornelius
“Her name is Britta.” — Pierce

“I guess there’s no hug button.” — Britta

“What are you doing?” — Shirley
“He was suffering!” — Annie
“Yeah. From ax wounds.” — Shirley

“Here’s the thing about women, Jeff. We don’t hack and slash our way through life because we’re one with life.” — Britta

“Where are your clothes?” — Abed
“Pierce taught me poker. I’m not good at it.” — Troy

“He’s shooting lightning and I’m naked!” — Troy

“Abed. She’s a program.” — Britta
“People have said similar things about me.” — Abed
“Uh oh. He’s playing the Rain Man card. Let’s bounce. — Pierce

“I don’t know what’s more offensive. The actual racism. Or the insulting notion that it might somehow rub off on us. Look out! Jive turkeys. Kill them before they start multiplying.” — Britta

“What? That can’t be true. You’re half….white!” — Pierce

“We’re better. We died and respawned. That makes us heroes.” — Jeff

“She can make babies for me!” — Abed
“Oh and I can’t?! I can’t…” — Troy

“He once sat on me church just so he could see better.” — Gilbert

“Are you always carrying that?” — Annie, referring to Pierce’s gun
“Not in the shower.” — Pierce

“Mulatto. Is that okay or is that borderline?” — Pierce

“Cool cool cool” — Baby

TV: Community 3.19 “Curriculum Unavailable” Best Lines

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Community 3.19 “Curriculum Unavailable” (***1/2) — The group goes to a psychiatrist to deal with their expulsion.

“It’s bagel bites in a deconstructed hot pocket with a Doritos glaze. I just really wanted to make my food, you know?” — Troy

“Anyway, walk to your cars in pairs tonight. Rape’s up 8%.” — Officer

“He’s usually adorable weird, like Mork from Mork. But since we’ve got expelled, he’s been creepy weird. Like present-day Robin Williams.” — Troy

“I don’t deal in crazy. I deal in help.  So how long as Abed needed a crazy amount of help?” — Dr. Heidi

“Brett Ratner is a master at everything. I’m going to say it. He’s the new Spielberg.” — Shirley
“You’re a bad person. You’re a bad person.” — Abed

“Who among us hasn’t have the odd banana in his or her pants?” — Jeff
“I have.” — Britta

“Here. Take my jacket. Just don’t eat anything or drink anything and no sweating. No penning at the elbows and no chairs with backrests. Wooden hangers only. You’re probably warm now, right?” — Jeff

“Do you all partake in these misadventures?” — Dr. Heidi
“Take that back. Our adventures are very manly!” — Troy

“He’s unique. Like a snowflake, who gets bent out of shape when you mix up Star Wars and Star Trek.” — Shirley

“It wasn’t all bad. I was there longer than anybody and I’m fine. How are you? Why do you ask? 3:30.” — Pierce
“Hahah. Uh oh!” — Troy

“We’ve have a few students with birthdays today. But hey, why single them out? What about the students who aren’t celebrating anything at all? Are they any less special?” — Dean Pelton

“You can’t go back there.” — Dr. Heidi
“Why? Because it’s not healthy?” — Britta
“No. Because it doesn’t exist.” — Dr. Heidi
“Ah! I parked by a meter. Did any of you park by a meter? Wait, What?!” — Troy

“You all came to this community college after your last fractured pill addiction, failed legal career, broken marriage, lost scholarship. old.” — Dr. Heidi
“Enough. I don’t want to hear mine.” — Britta

“You all shared this delusion with each other. Like that time when all those people got into swing dance music in the 90s.” — Dr. Heidi

“The Indian kid was right.” — Dr. Heidi
“He’s Arabic.” — Shirley
“Also Polish.” — Abed

“Shh. I’m trying to predict future crimes.” — Chang
“Ah! Now I’m sick.” — Dean Pelton
“See! You said that would happen. You are a precog!” — Chang

TV: Community 3.18 “Course Listing Unavailable” Best Lines

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Community 3.18 “Course Listing Unavailable” (***) — After the Greendale Seven incites a riot on the school, they face expulsion.

“As for my Stix album, I leave to no one. Because that’s how many people appreciated Stix as much as me.” — Star Burns

“If we rub that, will he come out and do celebrity impressions?” — Troy

“Is it always about the Holocaust with you people?” — Pierce

“I know it’s sad, but death is a natural part of life. And by the time I finish this sentence, a hundred people will have died in China.” — Jeff
“Why did you stop talking? I have to call my pen pal.” — Troy

“You seemed smarter to me when I met you.” — Jeff

“This is a community college. Not an inner city high school.” — Dean Pelton

“What Jeff is doing right now is denial, which is the 1st of five stages that ends in acceptance.” — Britta
“Name any other stage.” — Jeff
“What are you, my final?” — Britta

“Okay. This is a funeral. Let’s keep it light.” — Dean Pelton

“Wow! Maybe not drop the $50 mics, shall we?” — Dean Pelton

“I’m going to take everything, but onions and olives.” — Leonard

“Why don’t we say we’re going through funeral crazies? I can say that’s a thing because I’m a psych major.” — Britta

“We  have just lost a classmate.” — Jeff
“And a lizard…your majesty.” — Troy

TV: Community 3.17 “Basic Lupine Urology” Best Lines

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Community 3.17 “Basic Lupine Urology” (***) — Annie and Jeff’s yam project has been discovered broken. And in Law and Order style, the group attempts to find the truth.

“Move along. Nothing to see here.” — Chang
“First time those words have actually been true.” — Jeff

“A passing grade? Like a C? Why don’t I just get pregnant at a bus station?” — Annie

“Looks like it’s going to be a long night. How we manage to pull the short straw?” — Troy
“It’s not a short straw. It’s a hot potato.” — Abed
“Yeah, well. It looks pretty cold to me.” — Troy
“Cold? Or dead?” — Abed
“Survey says…” — Troy
“You can both do the zinger.” — Abed
“Sorry…” — Troy

“As you can see, with a few adjustments, I can make the entire image…Old West Color. I don’t know. I thought it was cool.” — Britta

“So you’re saying you did check out a key. But you’re saying it was inside your backpack when someone stole it off the table in the library while you were using the bathroom. And you haven’t seen it since?” — Abed
“Pop pop!” — “Magnitude

“That’s a yam. Big deal. Order some ketchup.” — Star Burns
“That doesn’t make sense. You don’t order ketchup! It’s a condiment!” — Troy

“Keep the change, Gary. You know what? Keep the hot dog.” — Jeff

“Clean up on aisle busted.” — Troy

“Why do they always r…” — Troy and Abed
“Why do they always r…” — Troy and Abed
“You go ahead.” — Troy
“Why do they always run?” — Abed

“Kiss me.” — Star Burns
“No!” — Girl
“I’ll explain later!” — Star Burns
“No!” — Girl
“I’ll explain later!” — Star Burns
“The explanation isn’t the issue.” — Girl

“I swiped some beakers for a meth lab I’m building in the trunk of my car. But that’s it! I didn’t kill any yam.” — Star Burns

“I’m inclined to agree with the man in uniform.” — Dean Pelton
“Shocker.” — Jeff

“It’s not a favor, Mr. Winger. A man’s gotta have a code.” — Professor Kane

“A man for who all we know is a Holocaust-denying, 9/11 pedophile.” — Colonel Archwood
“Objection.” — Jeff
“Withdrawn.” — Colonel Archwood

“And that pissed you right off, didn’t it? Is that why you hit your wife? Withdrawn! Is that why you drink and pop pills? Withdrawn! Are you a virgin? Withdrawn!” — Annie

“A man’s gotta have a code. I have to assume there is a female equivalent to that. A codet or something.” — Jeff

TV: South Park 16.7 “Cartman Finds Love” Best Lines

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South Park 16.7 “Cartman Finds Love” (***1/2) — A new girl arrives at the school, and Cartman immediately tries to bring her and Token together because they’re both black. One man stands in the way though…Kyle.

“He’s just a little sick, Mr. Garrison. He’s got boner-itis.” — Cartman

“Yeah, just don’t touch me cause I’m not into girls. It kind of grosses me out.” — Cartman

“Love is like taking a dump. Sometimes, it works itself out. But sometimes, you need to give it a nice hard, slimy push.” — Cartman

“You’re my ray of sunshine, Cupid Me.” — Cartman
“Tee hee hee.” — Cupid Cartman

“Look at how happy they are. Is it cause you want to ruin that or because you’re homophobic.” — Cartman

“She’s going to have to deal with racist people out there. People turning their hands and saying ‘Look at the two black people together. That figures.'” — Nicole’s dad

“Have some turkey.” — Nicole’s mom
Yeah. Try the white meat. I know it’s a little dry. But there’s a lot more of it.” — Nicole’s dad

“They’ll find love somewhere else.” — Butters
“No they won’t.” — Cartman
“Yes they will.” — Butters
“No they won’t. Shut up, Butters. You’re an asshole.” — Cartman

“So I’m saying if someone were to step in, it would be okay?” — Kyle
“I’m sorry, Kyle. I like girls.” — Token
“Huh? Dude. What the fuck?!” — Kyle

“I can’t be constipated on the job. So that’s why I need soft serve. Because when I’m constipated, sometimes you need more than a hard push.” — Constipation commercial

FILM: Django Unchained — Trailer